BE NOT AFRAID

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson

I love that quote - it is worth reading many times over, but I'll make it easier for you the second time - here is where I 'think' I first encountered the piece, in a wonderful film entitled "Coach Carter". 

The background to that clip, is a young man who Coach Carter (Samuel L. Jackson) had identified as having great talent, but was constantly self-sabotaging his own life by making poor choices.  Throughout the film, Coach constantly asks him, "What are you afraid of?", and finally by the end of film, he comes to see what he was getting at, and responds as you just saw in the clip. 

Can you identify with this at all?  I sure did, and still can.  I'm not sure why we do it to ourselves, but for some reason there is a part of the brain, that likes to try and talk us into settling or  "under-shining". 

Have you ever picked a goal, and worked hard towards getting it?  Along the way, you no doubt, made great efforts and changes, and likely saw some success.  BUT, with that success along the way, have you ever found that you just settled or were tempted to?  Instead of sticking with it to the end and hitting that big goal, you buy into some thinking like "I've come so far, this is great. I don't need to ______".  And with that inward concession, you give yourself the out; while most look at you and see no real difference because that talk was likely just between your ears and no one else heard it.

Why am I writing this now?

I am just under 11 weeks to go until Ironman Florida.  I have been thinking, planning, and training for this event for the better part of the last year.  You would think, that as it get closer, the ability to focus and execute becomes easier, and it can be, BUT I face that same trap of self-sabotage, if I am not careful.  I have come super far this year, and there was a time when I wondered if I would get back to the fitness I had in 2010 when I last raced there.  Well, guess what?  I have. AND I actually think I am fitter.  

I had a great race a week ago in K-town, and sometimes success can be both good and bad.  Good because it builds confidence, but bad, because you can loose the hunger to keep improving, and get satisfied.  For a moment, there was part of me who thought "Yes, you nailed a good race, relax.  You don't need to keep pushing, eat some junk and chill".  For a few days last week there was a back and forth conversation in my head between giving it my all for the big goal ahead or just "taking the foot off the gas" for a bit.  Thankfully, (because this is not the first time I've had that type of dialogue), I recognized it, and was able to stay focused on the task at hand.  I have come to far now, to shrink my goals and listen to that stupid voice that can whisper to all of us, that we don't deserve to go after our best.  

To myself, I've made it clear again:  I'm going for a Kona Slot in Florida.  I want it, and I believe I can get it.  I am going to execute the best I can between now and then and give myself every chance possible to have my best race on that day.  I will lay it all on the line again, and if the "chips" don't fall my way, that's ok.  What isn't ok, is giving into that stupid little voice that, even as I type this, is trying to silence me and "dim my light".   

I will not be afraid.

No matter what journey you are on, I want to remind you as well - BE NOT AFRAID.  You can do it.  If you've set your mind on something, then go after it and don't let anything or anyone - including yourself, get in the way!

Aiming High,
Jon

Feeling like Pacman - Ktown Race Report!

Well, it only took until August, but I finally put together a successful long course tri result this year!  What a difference from a month ago, when I raced in Peterborough (previously blogged below).  It was like night and day.

The biggest difference going into this race versus Peterborough was in my daily hydration.  I was determined to confirm the impact this had on my performance and was not going to allow for this issue to be a possibility on this day.  IF I showed up flat again, then it was not going to be because of a lack of hydrating, and showing up under fueled.

Going in, the plan was simple:  Swim smooth, to set up a strong bike and run combo.  My expectations, were to feel strong on the bike and hopefully average something north of 37km/hr on this rolling moderate hilly course.  On the run, I was cautious with expectations (with Peterborough still fresh on my mind), but I was hoping to be able to run sub 4:30/kms, but I was really more focused again on feeling strong throughout.

Mom and dad showed up to support, which is always special and I also had some other family members come out as they were in town that weekend for other reasons and made time to come check it out - thanks!

Before the gun went off at 8am for the deep water start of the 2km swim, it was clear I was hydrated... I peed 3 times within the hour leading up to the start! :)  As planned, I eased into things on the swim, and was able to find a great line to the first buoy.  The rest of the way was pretty uneventful.  Waters in Lake Ontario were pretty calm and the temps were ideal for wetsuit swimming.  I popped out of the water around 32 minutes - not blazing fast, but feeling like I had stuck to the 'swim smooth' plan.  I would soon know whether or not the race was going to be on - because for me, it really starts on the bike!

After a quick transition, I was on to the 49.6km bike course.  It did not take long to see, this race was going to be different.  Within the first 10-15 minutes on the ride I had passed 10-20 riders... way more then I ever did over the 90km ride in Peterborough.  I was rolling the pedals over and no one was passing me.  In Peterborough, at every hill or slight incline, I felt like I was going backwards, but now, I was feeling like Packman - eating up every incline, and closing in on whatever rider was in front of me!  I came off the bike averaging 37.4km/hr, and had only 2 guys pass me the whole way, and they were both on relay teams.  It was a great ride, except I wished it was much longer!

Another quick transition into the running shoes, and again, I knew quickly - within 300 meters of this 15km run, that this day was definitely going to be different.  The legs were turning over, and as I headed through the first km, in sub 4'/km pace, I thought - ok, be smart, keep fueling and stay strong.  The run course is a mix of flats, with a few short steep and medium length hills.  On some of the climbs I felt the muscles in my back tighten up a bit, but I just tried to relax and turn the feet over quickly.

By far the best part of the run, was that final 600 or so meters, when you come around onto the home stretch.  You can see the growing crowds ahead, and the finish banner in the distance.  I had paced it well, and started to lift my pace to empty the tank - I did not want someone passing me at this stage of the game.  I was feeling strong and with 200 meters to go, my eyes were on the line, but my ears heard the voice of my dad yelling something like "Go Jon-boy, Go!".  It really doesn't matter the exact words, but hearing him and closing a race strong, made me well up with emotion that you just can't replicate.

Driving home for the finish.. This was right about when Dad was yelling out, and the finish was nearing!

When it was all over, I averaged around 4:18/km on the run course.  Good enough for finishing 3rd in my age group and 19th overall out of 201 competitors.   It was a wonderful feeling, and a needed boost to the psyche to put this race together. I am about 13 weeks away from Ironman Florida and the volume will be that much easier to "get up" for, on the heels of this result.  


Moving forward I have the remainder of August to keep improving, before I get to test things out really good in Ottawa on a Half Ironman course with flat terrain, similar to that of Florida.

Thanks for following along, and to those of you who keep supporting me with words of encouragement - I really appreciate it!

Jon